Yesterday was the very first day since I got back that I felt I did not accomplish any task although I actually did. I finally set up the webcam pages that were missing. The turn of events just dragged my spirits to the pits. First, I had problems with Yahoo uploading the webcam. Then, about lunchtime, the network server just went poofed. It was downhill after that. I couldn't concentrate. My eyes were starting to feel puffy, I felt so icky that I wanted to jump in the shower or probably a nice hot bath in the jacuzzi would have served me better. The DSL tech came to check up on the modem and stayed till the evening loitering all over the house. He was so nosy to a point that I almost lost my cool. He wasn't really too irritating and it was just his nature considering that he's one of those less fortunate and didn't have enough education. Specialized in what he does but he not really knowing much about how the technology works together as a whole. What is better? Jack of all trades and a master of none or the other way around?
By nightfall, I realized that I was suffering from PMS. Not again! PRIMROSE OIL, I need some primrose oil. Better yet, how about some prozac? While I was staring at the ceiling, thoughts about how times have changed passed by. How the decisions I made in the past seem to be the wrong ones considering with what was happening to the world now ... mine included. I am just left correcting now or trying, at least to get by. Guilt.
Mom, for one has always been good at making me feel guilty. Everytime she thinks out loud about the time that the building I am currently occupying was for sale and I actually said that there really wasn't a point in buying it since we were in the process of immigrating to Canada. For one, she wasn't liquid and was contemplating on borrowing from the bank. I knew that all I had to say at that moment is go ahead but I did not. So everytime she tells that story over and over again, she just makes me feel guilty more and more. As a matter of fact, she's repeating the same story now that my contract has expired.
And so I stare at my beroom ceiling as she stares at the living room's ceiling. She again tells the same stories over and over again. She asks me why she listened to me? Why she renovated our ancestral house? She's stuck with higher realty tax, higher maintenance cost while the economy is just getting worse and so with my business. Again, it seems that I am to blame. And so I stare at my bedroom ceiling as she seems to make some sense.
What am I going to do now?
There are no good TV shows that can keep my eyes glued on the idiot box. All the good shows are gone. Even the music is nothing extraordinary. There really is nothing so new or so fresh.
THE SIGNS OF THE TIMES.