The first thing she said to me was how fat I was. Those taking care of her probably just wish and the reason why she wasn't eating is because she just didn't want to be a burden and thinks it's best to speed it up a bit by refusing to eat.
The eleven dogs are out of danger. The neighbor did not really step out of bounds. All is well with just a few minor inconveniences. The kennels need some touch-up work. It has been over five years anyways.
We went around trying to spot spaces for lease. One of my business competitor shut down. So much so for franchising my business. That didn't work out for my competitor. The place has a sign up for lease. The space I was interested in last year is for lease again. The company the lessors decided to award it to didn't last very long. Business is really bad. I'm meeting with my current lessor early this week. One wonders how that will turn out? Two of my biggest worries weren't anything major. My aunt is still very much coherent. The chlorinated dogs survived the crucial two weeks. The neighbor who allegedly used my fence as the walls to their house did not really use my fence. It's just that their roof touched the fence of which their point of contention is that I surpassed the demarkation marker in the lot boundaries. Nothing to it. I just have to vuild the fence higher, maybe 6 feet more so that they would have no ventilation and toast. Turn bad to something good, well ... touch up the canine haven while doing the fence. Repaint the kennels or whatver needs additional coating. The roof, too, needs work as well as other stuff. Maybe, I will celebrate my birthday over there this year which would also be my significant other's and mine, our fifth year together.
Sunday, September 28, 2003
Saturday, September 27, 2003
Things To Do List:
1. Visit my aunt.
2. Check out AsoCasa (the neighbor and all the dogs specially the ones that were chlorinated).
3. Appointment with lessor of my business establishment.
4. Anniversary preps.
5. Retrain staff.
6. Set-up new endeavor: Cool Dogs!
7. Downsize kennel and find good homes for dogs not to be used for breeding.
8. Catalog video and photos. Log and edit for submission to various agencies or organizations.
9. Shoot. Set up darkroom: Black & white photography. GOAL: exhibit works.
10. Attend painting workshops.
11. Exercise. Keep fit.
12. DIVE!!! Dive and shoot!
13. TRAVEL: El Nido. Bohol. Cebu. Thailand. Micronesia. Indonesia. Malaysia. Bali. Australia. And all the great divesites all over.
14. Train dogs. Set-up ABCD and get into agility.
15. Franchise existing business.
GET BUSY! GET PRODUCTIVE! ENJOY LIFE!
2. Check out AsoCasa (the neighbor and all the dogs specially the ones that were chlorinated).
3. Appointment with lessor of my business establishment.
4. Anniversary preps.
5. Retrain staff.
6. Set-up new endeavor: Cool Dogs!
7. Downsize kennel and find good homes for dogs not to be used for breeding.
8. Catalog video and photos. Log and edit for submission to various agencies or organizations.
9. Shoot. Set up darkroom: Black & white photography. GOAL: exhibit works.
10. Attend painting workshops.
11. Exercise. Keep fit.
12. DIVE!!! Dive and shoot!
13. TRAVEL: El Nido. Bohol. Cebu. Thailand. Micronesia. Indonesia. Malaysia. Bali. Australia. And all the great divesites all over.
14. Train dogs. Set-up ABCD and get into agility.
15. Franchise existing business.
GET BUSY! GET PRODUCTIVE! ENJOY LIFE!
Friday, September 19, 2003
Blink
How things change in a blink:
The clock struck twelve and I was still up, I knew right there and then, the day ahead is going to be a shitty one. We had to get going by seven in the morning to avoid the bumper to bumper rush going downtown. We had to be at Tinseltown before eight and try to get the PRC picked up before nine to catch our Final Cut Pro class at West Broadway. Well, for one, I totaly forgot about the PRC thing when I paid and booked the class. As a recourse, well ... our Edmonton visitor can keep mom company, I assumed but of course, she is on vacation, has a life and ... had plans of her own. :(
So, there I was ... stressed out with heart burn from piggin' out instead of stayin' at home, relaxed with the usual routine. My God, we even had to rush feeding the dogs at eleven at night! And when we snuck back at home (because somebody forgot the present for the birthday celebrant) ... of course, the dogs let in by the old ladies in the basement unsupervised (it was raining hard and so the ladies' thought it was mean of us to leave them outside) ... Dogs being dogs, left to their own devices, chewed on whatever there was to chew on which I had to clean up. Dogs have fur and as I recall, the breeds we have have waterproof coats plus an undercoat to boot. Oh well ... whatever ...
Half past midnight, I had to get back up and online. People from the islands should have faxed the Import Permits two days ago! I have been sending text messages and NADA ... NOTHING ...
One other thing... there's the Guiguinto problem again. Not the dogs this time but the hood is back!!! Oh, yeah... it's September. It was September 25, 5 years ago when my neighbors complained about the kennels. This time, the lot next door decided to build a house and used our fence as the walls in their house.
And yes of course, Manila was trying to fax me until about 1:30 am. I was awake at 5:30 am. Four hours of sleep. That's enough to make me grouchy all day today.
Now to continue with MY BLOGDAY TODAY (which I keep getting interrupt ...ed) ...
The clock struck twelve and I was still up, I knew right there and then, the day ahead is going to be a shitty one. We had to get going by seven in the morning to avoid the bumper to bumper rush going downtown. We had to be at Tinseltown before eight and try to get the PRC picked up before nine to catch our Final Cut Pro class at West Broadway. Well, for one, I totaly forgot about the PRC thing when I paid and booked the class. As a recourse, well ... our Edmonton visitor can keep mom company, I assumed but of course, she is on vacation, has a life and ... had plans of her own. :(
So, there I was ... stressed out with heart burn from piggin' out instead of stayin' at home, relaxed with the usual routine. My God, we even had to rush feeding the dogs at eleven at night! And when we snuck back at home (because somebody forgot the present for the birthday celebrant) ... of course, the dogs let in by the old ladies in the basement unsupervised (it was raining hard and so the ladies' thought it was mean of us to leave them outside) ... Dogs being dogs, left to their own devices, chewed on whatever there was to chew on which I had to clean up. Dogs have fur and as I recall, the breeds we have have waterproof coats plus an undercoat to boot. Oh well ... whatever ...
Half past midnight, I had to get back up and online. People from the islands should have faxed the Import Permits two days ago! I have been sending text messages and NADA ... NOTHING ...
One other thing... there's the Guiguinto problem again. Not the dogs this time but the hood is back!!! Oh, yeah... it's September. It was September 25, 5 years ago when my neighbors complained about the kennels. This time, the lot next door decided to build a house and used our fence as the walls in their house.
And yes of course, Manila was trying to fax me until about 1:30 am. I was awake at 5:30 am. Four hours of sleep. That's enough to make me grouchy all day today.
Now to continue with MY BLOGDAY TODAY (which I keep getting interrupt ...ed) ...
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
The long wait is over.
Just a few more days. Four months have passed, almost. I am very relaxed with minor inconveniences ... Actually, it's like a year and a half that I've just been picking my ass, wondering what to do and wandering aimlessly. It's clearer now, at least. It's just a matter of doing it, whatever it is I somehow decided on. A lot of hard work ahead. It's not going to be easy. But hey, I might have fun along the way, eh. How about that?
It's funny, the things I planned on doing while I'm waiting ... things I thought I would do to pass the time, I never got to really sit down and do it. Like I lagged along 2 external hard-drives that needed organizing but somehow, never really sat down long enough. I tried but there's this feelin of I'm missing out on something if I just sit in front of my monitor skin. What have I accomplished? Well, 10 lbs. ... at least, I lost 10 lbs. from walking the dogs and biking. I also sort of managed to keep the house clean and... even my mom is kind of picking up on the "clean as you go" principle however she does not really clean very well. She bitches about cleaning very well tho'.
So whatelse? Cold water diving is nothing compared to warm water diving. And am taking computer classes right and left. Spent a lot of money too but hey, what the heck? The raeson why you work hard and save is so that you can be able to afford things you want ... you can't take the money to the grave. So, I still think howevermuch my mom, of course nags me... What good is money you have when you don't get to enjoy on spending it, eh?
It's funny, the things I planned on doing while I'm waiting ... things I thought I would do to pass the time, I never got to really sit down and do it. Like I lagged along 2 external hard-drives that needed organizing but somehow, never really sat down long enough. I tried but there's this feelin of I'm missing out on something if I just sit in front of my monitor skin. What have I accomplished? Well, 10 lbs. ... at least, I lost 10 lbs. from walking the dogs and biking. I also sort of managed to keep the house clean and... even my mom is kind of picking up on the "clean as you go" principle however she does not really clean very well. She bitches about cleaning very well tho'.
So whatelse? Cold water diving is nothing compared to warm water diving. And am taking computer classes right and left. Spent a lot of money too but hey, what the heck? The raeson why you work hard and save is so that you can be able to afford things you want ... you can't take the money to the grave. So, I still think howevermuch my mom, of course nags me... What good is money you have when you don't get to enjoy on spending it, eh?
Thursday, September 11, 2003
Coming and Going
Recently, I was just talking about an aunt of mine who took care of me between the ages 8 onwards. Yesterday, she crossed my mind but I chose not to mention anything about her in the conversation I was having. Today, she again was in my thoughts.
I just found out that her time is almost up and just waiting. I would very much like to go visit for one last time.
It's sad how people come and go in one's life. At certain phases, you spend 24/7 with them to a point that they drive you crazy and as you move on, others come while the ones previously where always there fade away. And you kinda take for granted sometimes when they are far away and you go about doing your thing as you so please until it's too late to do anything about lost times ... could have's, should have's and what if's.
The pain never goes away, it remains just tucked somewhere in the inner recesses of one's soul.
I just found out that her time is almost up and just waiting. I would very much like to go visit for one last time.
It's sad how people come and go in one's life. At certain phases, you spend 24/7 with them to a point that they drive you crazy and as you move on, others come while the ones previously where always there fade away. And you kinda take for granted sometimes when they are far away and you go about doing your thing as you so please until it's too late to do anything about lost times ... could have's, should have's and what if's.
The pain never goes away, it remains just tucked somewhere in the inner recesses of one's soul.
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
Decayed
Ten years from now, I will just be living of interests (HAHA!) or maybe, royalties from ART's V franchise stores and a number of Cool Dogs' branches local and international, eh.
I can dream, can't I? SURE, I CAN!
I can dream, can't I? SURE, I CAN!
Reachable Only As I Wish
Less than two years from now, I will take it easy ... basking out in the sun, snoozing during the midafternoon breeze and at dusk, watching sunsets with my loved and cherished one. I will wake up to glorious days of fresh air, cool breeze and warmth of my beloved. Some days we will go down under, some days taking beautiful postcard pictures somewhere ... other days, simply making music together. Of course, four-legged friends tagging along or maybe, out in the field indulging in some kind of dog activity. Diving in different places. Travelling from time to time. Check trustworthy, responsible and reliable people who takes care of the businesses once in awhile. Also, by this time ... I should no longer be an amateur photographer and videographer as well as, my significant other ... would have published her photographs, too if not her coffee table book. Stress-free ...
reachable only as I wish.
My Dream.
reachable only as I wish.
My Dream.
Sunday, September 07, 2003
Red Roses for the Unspoken Dream!
And yes, I made sure. I ran down the patio stairs out the backyard door into the front to look at my mom's rose bush garden. It dawned on me that people arond here do have rose bush gardens, my mom and Mom Lets too by the way. Yesterday, mom asked me to drop off Brunn cakes for them but as I was pulling up the cul de sac, at the curb-there they were in their car headed for our house. So, I just handed them over the cake as they pulled up closer. Then after that, I turned around and went back home never having the chance to walk up their doorstep to notice Mom Lets rose bush garden and what color they were. My mom's are pink and kinda yellowish, somehow with a blend of like pink but not the bright yellow sunflowers are. So there you go ...
RED ROSES.
RED ROSES.
The Sign
RED ROSES! RED ROSES! RED ROSES!!!
As I was stepping over the barrier from the kitchen going to the patio door, I accidentally focused on my neighbor's stairs and stemming out from the steps were red roses in full bloom. I rushed and looked at them more closely. It's a full branch filled with red roses in bloom while the two other bunches were all dried, withered and brown. How about that? Thank You for the sign, thank You for the blessings!!!
As I was stepping over the barrier from the kitchen going to the patio door, I accidentally focused on my neighbor's stairs and stemming out from the steps were red roses in full bloom. I rushed and looked at them more closely. It's a full branch filled with red roses in bloom while the two other bunches were all dried, withered and brown. How about that? Thank You for the sign, thank You for the blessings!!!
Saturday, September 06, 2003
The Silent Wish
Red Roses for the unspoken dream. White for peace, a fresh start and new life. Yellow to stay ... rooted and stable.
It's either is or neither nor.
The quiet and inner peace do not suffice the rage provoked by selfish, careless stupidity. The trial and tribulations that befall one's dignity testing strength of character, the inner struggle between right and wrong ... good and bad ... is the way things are. The end never justify the means. It's just a matter of getting there. Even where does not matter in the end. It's either is or neither nor.
In Threes ...
When it rains, it pours as the saying goes ... they come in threes ...
1. The teaspoon.
2. The contract.
3. The chlorine.
I know I asked myself if I wanted to go back to my old life (August 16, 2003).
And as I have always reminded myself - that things fall into place when you wait long enough (or rather procastinate) ... especially when you need to make a decision and you just keep on sitting on it, sleeping on it or WHATEVER!!! Eventually, fate creeps in ... it just forces you to act howevermuch you try avoiding making major decisions. Or at least, that's how it has always been for me. Somehow, things come up and kinda push me ... then it becomes a shove along the way ... and it just keeps going on and on until I take that big step, making the decision and following up on it ... And you know what, when I sometimes kinda make a decision but not quite and it's not the right one, things happen ...
Like now for instance ... first, it was the teaspoon ... then, the forgotten contract ... now, the chlorinated dogs ...
ANALYZE THAT
It's time to move on, for one. I know that BUT WHERE to, that seems to be the problem. I like it here, where I am now but as to what to do here - THAT IS the problem. If I am to stay here, at 43 - WILL I STILL BE ABLE TO ESTABLISH A CAREER AND BE SUCCESSFUL OR ... I DON'T KNOW, MAN! And so, maybe going back and forth. THE UNSPOKEN DREAM. It was afterall, sitting at the back of my mind. Iron out the rough spots, fix loopholes, give it one last try, go with the flow, start fresh and move on. On Monday, a check is appropriate in the checkbox of list of things to do - one major loophole. Another two to follow that which will take time, my significant other's. Meanwhile, as I watched the grass grow, I made up my mind that once and for all, give my dirty biz one good scrub when I get back. If all else fails, at least, I did something and maybe it would be enough for my mother to finally let go and that she gives me her blessings to move on. I know I need to go back to do this ... It doesn't mean I want to go back to my old life. I don't, I really don't. And that is why I asked myself, remember? But to stress me out with the forgotten contract!!! I am going back. I will tie loose ends, okay? I know my responsibilities and obligations. Not that I really want to face up to it ... but I WILL, OKAY? If only YOU, UP THERE CAN MAKE IT EASIER ... PLEASE ... SHOW ME A SIGN ... like how about red roses to let me know I am on the right track?
Daydreaming once again ... Nice thoughts of travelling wherever and whenever, I very much look forward to ... PALAU, MICRONESIA, MALAYSIA, THAILAND, MEXICO, CARRIBEAN, SOUTH AMERICA, AUSTRALIA, EUROPE, AFRICA AND EVEN THE PHILIPPINES ... I'm really set to semi-retire. I also decided together with my significant other to spend more time with the dogs, diminish the number of dogs we keep and find good homes for them ... show less ... spend less ...
Downsize ... a process of letting go roots in the homeland ...
UPROOT AND JUST GO ... wherever and whenever ...
Travel light, no excess baggage please ... the meaning of life.
DREAMS
THE teaSPOON TAUGHT ME A NUMBER OF THINGS: I will not do very well as a caretaker. No matter how hard I've tried nor try, my mother will not ... will never change. She is far too old. I just have to accept that. And it's even going to get worse. I also now know that what causes me unhappiness is the role that she obliges me to play. I can not really be happy if I continue to depend on another human being's own happiness. I can not forever try to please my loved ones so as to be happy myself ... I can only be happy from within.
Among other things, I can not be with my mother 24/7. I once remember her saying to me - "You can not be with someobody 24 hours day. It is not good and it is not wise. You will just hurt each other. Relationships don't work that way." And it seems, THAT too she has forgotten.
THE CONTRACT, well ... the contract. It just SIMPLY SLIPPED my head. UNIMPORTANT. But we know, contracts are important. But of course, since last year, I've been wanting to give the biz up. Of course, I agreed not to let it go precisely because of the uncertainty and ... yeah, "What will I do?", my mother asked me in retrospect ... and I succumbed.
My dogs ... I have been procastinating when I should be doing interviews and finding good homes for them. And so, one by one ... and today, eleven almost went away. It hurts, I am ... hurting soooo baaaad. Maybe, it's really time to move on.
But where?
1. The teaspoon.
2. The contract.
3. The chlorine.
I know I asked myself if I wanted to go back to my old life (August 16, 2003).
And as I have always reminded myself - that things fall into place when you wait long enough (or rather procastinate) ... especially when you need to make a decision and you just keep on sitting on it, sleeping on it or WHATEVER!!! Eventually, fate creeps in ... it just forces you to act howevermuch you try avoiding making major decisions. Or at least, that's how it has always been for me. Somehow, things come up and kinda push me ... then it becomes a shove along the way ... and it just keeps going on and on until I take that big step, making the decision and following up on it ... And you know what, when I sometimes kinda make a decision but not quite and it's not the right one, things happen ...
Like now for instance ... first, it was the teaspoon ... then, the forgotten contract ... now, the chlorinated dogs ...
ANALYZE THAT
It's time to move on, for one. I know that BUT WHERE to, that seems to be the problem. I like it here, where I am now but as to what to do here - THAT IS the problem. If I am to stay here, at 43 - WILL I STILL BE ABLE TO ESTABLISH A CAREER AND BE SUCCESSFUL OR ... I DON'T KNOW, MAN! And so, maybe going back and forth. THE UNSPOKEN DREAM. It was afterall, sitting at the back of my mind. Iron out the rough spots, fix loopholes, give it one last try, go with the flow, start fresh and move on. On Monday, a check is appropriate in the checkbox of list of things to do - one major loophole. Another two to follow that which will take time, my significant other's. Meanwhile, as I watched the grass grow, I made up my mind that once and for all, give my dirty biz one good scrub when I get back. If all else fails, at least, I did something and maybe it would be enough for my mother to finally let go and that she gives me her blessings to move on. I know I need to go back to do this ... It doesn't mean I want to go back to my old life. I don't, I really don't. And that is why I asked myself, remember? But to stress me out with the forgotten contract!!! I am going back. I will tie loose ends, okay? I know my responsibilities and obligations. Not that I really want to face up to it ... but I WILL, OKAY? If only YOU, UP THERE CAN MAKE IT EASIER ... PLEASE ... SHOW ME A SIGN ... like how about red roses to let me know I am on the right track?
Daydreaming once again ... Nice thoughts of travelling wherever and whenever, I very much look forward to ... PALAU, MICRONESIA, MALAYSIA, THAILAND, MEXICO, CARRIBEAN, SOUTH AMERICA, AUSTRALIA, EUROPE, AFRICA AND EVEN THE PHILIPPINES ... I'm really set to semi-retire. I also decided together with my significant other to spend more time with the dogs, diminish the number of dogs we keep and find good homes for them ... show less ... spend less ...
Downsize ... a process of letting go roots in the homeland ...
UPROOT AND JUST GO ... wherever and whenever ...
Travel light, no excess baggage please ... the meaning of life.
DREAMS
THE teaSPOON TAUGHT ME A NUMBER OF THINGS: I will not do very well as a caretaker. No matter how hard I've tried nor try, my mother will not ... will never change. She is far too old. I just have to accept that. And it's even going to get worse. I also now know that what causes me unhappiness is the role that she obliges me to play. I can not really be happy if I continue to depend on another human being's own happiness. I can not forever try to please my loved ones so as to be happy myself ... I can only be happy from within.
Among other things, I can not be with my mother 24/7. I once remember her saying to me - "You can not be with someobody 24 hours day. It is not good and it is not wise. You will just hurt each other. Relationships don't work that way." And it seems, THAT too she has forgotten.
THE CONTRACT, well ... the contract. It just SIMPLY SLIPPED my head. UNIMPORTANT. But we know, contracts are important. But of course, since last year, I've been wanting to give the biz up. Of course, I agreed not to let it go precisely because of the uncertainty and ... yeah, "What will I do?", my mother asked me in retrospect ... and I succumbed.
My dogs ... I have been procastinating when I should be doing interviews and finding good homes for them. And so, one by one ... and today, eleven almost went away. It hurts, I am ... hurting soooo baaaad. Maybe, it's really time to move on.
But where?
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
Repentance
Everything's kinda back to normal... Mom and I are in speaking terms and so the silence is... I am also officially back to smoking. I quit for a month and a half. I also stopped walking the dogs in the morning, also stopped biking for the simple reason that I am staying up late ... ergo, waking up late so half the day is gone and I don't have to deal with my mother repeating over and over again like a broken record ... stuff. Sometimes, it's even stuff I told her that she repeats back to me forgetting that it was me who told her in the first place. Bad, bad combination... one is menopausal and the other one is losing her memory ...
It's funny how fate sometimes plays tricks on you. I hugged her before I went off to go diving last Sunday. Well, I really didn't want to go without at least hugging her cause diving has risks ... it's like I don't want to end up dead and my mother cursing me still. But she on the other hand pushed me away as I was hugging her. So, fine! I immersed myself under 54 degrees fahrenheit of cold water to cool off. Of course, we were gone for like a whole day and so as we went home very, very tired... mind you, after carrying 30lbs of weights plus tank and the very uncomfortable hood, etc, etc, etc ... We came home to a house smelling like shit. Mom was grumbling as she was mopping the floor! The three dogs pooed. Now if that doesn't break the ice, I don't know what else will. So after that, everything was back to normal and Mom had a good chuckle. She's got a wicked sense of humour, I tell you.
Now for repentance, we were very tired. I showered and as I was crawling into bed, Mom comes knocking on the door asking me to wait up for a relative who was coming over ... At 10:30 close to midnight! Hello!!! And you think it ends there? NAH! We patiently waited for them to finish eating, packed them all the leftovers in the fridge and brought them to the train station. Of course, on our way back, I was falling asleep on the wheel. As I was going up the stairs towards my bedroom, Mom comes out ... "The train stopped and asked all the passengers to go down. Poor people in a strange land. Please ... " And so, Rem and I looked at each other ... Poor people? I sure hope she was referring to us. Tsk.
Repentance.
With all the sacrifices, I passed up on my Hail Mary's and Our Father's ... God has His ways and He's got some sense of humour. Yeah, right!
It's funny how fate sometimes plays tricks on you. I hugged her before I went off to go diving last Sunday. Well, I really didn't want to go without at least hugging her cause diving has risks ... it's like I don't want to end up dead and my mother cursing me still. But she on the other hand pushed me away as I was hugging her. So, fine! I immersed myself under 54 degrees fahrenheit of cold water to cool off. Of course, we were gone for like a whole day and so as we went home very, very tired... mind you, after carrying 30lbs of weights plus tank and the very uncomfortable hood, etc, etc, etc ... We came home to a house smelling like shit. Mom was grumbling as she was mopping the floor! The three dogs pooed. Now if that doesn't break the ice, I don't know what else will. So after that, everything was back to normal and Mom had a good chuckle. She's got a wicked sense of humour, I tell you.
Now for repentance, we were very tired. I showered and as I was crawling into bed, Mom comes knocking on the door asking me to wait up for a relative who was coming over ... At 10:30 close to midnight! Hello!!! And you think it ends there? NAH! We patiently waited for them to finish eating, packed them all the leftovers in the fridge and brought them to the train station. Of course, on our way back, I was falling asleep on the wheel. As I was going up the stairs towards my bedroom, Mom comes out ... "The train stopped and asked all the passengers to go down. Poor people in a strange land. Please ... " And so, Rem and I looked at each other ... Poor people? I sure hope she was referring to us. Tsk.
Repentance.
With all the sacrifices, I passed up on my Hail Mary's and Our Father's ... God has His ways and He's got some sense of humour. Yeah, right!