and while waiting ...
enjoying some quiet time ...
with myself.
it's nice.
i was out driving today. around. all over. at a stop light as i stared at it it seemed like i'm viewing a wide-angle screen of a view, as if i was watching a movie. i shut my eyes real tight.
"what's happening to me?" i asked myself and looked around where i was. where was i?
on my way to the mall. errands. blockbuster, cleaners, groceries.
i sneaked a little shopping on the side. bought a 28-300mm lens for nikon. i was feeling constraint from the one i had which was a 70-300mm. i see a nice landscape or view, it just lingers in my memory.
on my way home just before the bridge, a song was playing and the dj muttered something like ... "all she ever wanted."
Remy, that's what i said about her four years ago around this time. "she's all i ever wanted and more." :)
of course, i didn't know her very well then or at least not as much as i know her now and more ... in the years to come.
false impressions. there were a lot of things i made up in my mind. was too blinded but what i was feeling which was rather intense. well, not much has changed. my feelings are still very much intense 'cept this time, i love her for what she is. no longer a figment of my imagination. :)
well, hey ... it might be just the other way around for her.
false impressions of me. maybe, maybe not.
she hates my snoring.
:)
Sunday, June 29, 2003
Monday, June 16, 2003
Each Day I Walk. Walk, Walk, Walk. Walk The Dogs!
and while waiting ...
Now ... each day i walk the dog. Madonna said to one fat pig, "Walk as much as you can, as far as you can go." Somehow, I don't understand. I have been diligent since I started with the treadmill back from where I come from and now ... daily, I walk Cohjie. Boy, he's one lucky dog. My babies would appreciate me walking them so much more whereas Cohjie drags his ass every morning when I come fetch him from the bedroom. It feels my tummy is not getting any smaller. Must be my mom's cooking. I haven't been gorging. I don't understand, really. My pants are getting tighter. It's either that or gravity is really setting in that all the fat is drooping ... all the walking I'm doing is just pulling my fat down and I can feel it overlapping-drooped over my belt. Hmmm... what's bad is I can even feel it. Aaaarrrggghhhh. See, I told you... something is really not quite right.
I read Jann Arden Something's blog and she said, one must spend time alone. It's like... being with yourself and keeping in touch with yourself. Yeah... that's how I start out my days now. Walking with Cohjie. Not that it makes a lot of difference because, I am alone. Like, I can be ALONE even if I am with company. There's a switch... I can easily go off ... in my own little private space. I don't even have to be like physically be alone to be alone. Somehow, it seems like the other way around. Like I get the urge to be with people because I've had too much of myself already... Haha! It's like I talk to myself all the time, not out loud tho'. My mind just goes endlessly with thoughts and the way to shut it off is to be physically with other people around. And sometimes, that does not even work to a certain extent. Haha. So there you go Jann, how about that?
Death... that was one of the recent discussions I had with my inner self. I pretty much forgot what it was all about. That was hmmm ... 2 or 3 days ago. Then the other day, it was how life becomes just a lie afterwards ... like how everything turns out to be just one lie after another or a string of lies ... just lies. Well, if it's not real or ends up to be what it is not then it becomes just a lie. Take my life for example. I was brought up as me and when I found out I was adopted, then my life ... the one I lived for 24 years was just a lie. When we were kids, we were told by our parents this or that and as we grow up, we find out it is not so ... so there you go, a string of lies. Just lies.
Even Adam and Eve ... that was this morning. God created Adam and Eve and they lived in the Garden of Eden. They had everything ... there was just that one tree that they were forbidden to eat apples from. Adam and Eve ... so when we refer to our fellowmen as our brothers, they are really are our brothers. Hmmm ... blasphemous ... Everything becomes just a lie, afterwards ... a string of lies, just lies.
In the end, what really matters?
Now ... each day i walk the dog. Madonna said to one fat pig, "Walk as much as you can, as far as you can go." Somehow, I don't understand. I have been diligent since I started with the treadmill back from where I come from and now ... daily, I walk Cohjie. Boy, he's one lucky dog. My babies would appreciate me walking them so much more whereas Cohjie drags his ass every morning when I come fetch him from the bedroom. It feels my tummy is not getting any smaller. Must be my mom's cooking. I haven't been gorging. I don't understand, really. My pants are getting tighter. It's either that or gravity is really setting in that all the fat is drooping ... all the walking I'm doing is just pulling my fat down and I can feel it overlapping-drooped over my belt. Hmmm... what's bad is I can even feel it. Aaaarrrggghhhh. See, I told you... something is really not quite right.
I read Jann Arden Something's blog and she said, one must spend time alone. It's like... being with yourself and keeping in touch with yourself. Yeah... that's how I start out my days now. Walking with Cohjie. Not that it makes a lot of difference because, I am alone. Like, I can be ALONE even if I am with company. There's a switch... I can easily go off ... in my own little private space. I don't even have to be like physically be alone to be alone. Somehow, it seems like the other way around. Like I get the urge to be with people because I've had too much of myself already... Haha! It's like I talk to myself all the time, not out loud tho'. My mind just goes endlessly with thoughts and the way to shut it off is to be physically with other people around. And sometimes, that does not even work to a certain extent. Haha. So there you go Jann, how about that?
Death... that was one of the recent discussions I had with my inner self. I pretty much forgot what it was all about. That was hmmm ... 2 or 3 days ago. Then the other day, it was how life becomes just a lie afterwards ... like how everything turns out to be just one lie after another or a string of lies ... just lies. Well, if it's not real or ends up to be what it is not then it becomes just a lie. Take my life for example. I was brought up as me and when I found out I was adopted, then my life ... the one I lived for 24 years was just a lie. When we were kids, we were told by our parents this or that and as we grow up, we find out it is not so ... so there you go, a string of lies. Just lies.
Even Adam and Eve ... that was this morning. God created Adam and Eve and they lived in the Garden of Eden. They had everything ... there was just that one tree that they were forbidden to eat apples from. Adam and Eve ... so when we refer to our fellowmen as our brothers, they are really are our brothers. Hmmm ... blasphemous ... Everything becomes just a lie, afterwards ... a string of lies, just lies.
In the end, what really matters?