Yeah ... yeah ... yeah ... it's been awhile since I last blogged. Not that nothing's going on in my mind. I actually have brain drain at the moment. Have you ever felt like your streams of thoughts just go through randomly jumping from one to another and it just goes on and on and on ... you can't cacth up and you just get exhausted? One second-you feel happy, the next-sad and then-glad ... and it just goes on and on. It sounds like one is going through menopause and raging hormones are on the lose, some kind of like a rampage invoking a rather very confused ... to some, it might seem a little bit on the deranged outbursts of seemingly insignificant ideas.
It can't be menopause.
It can't be mid-life crisis either.
I've been attacked by these streams of consciousness eversince my world began. Innate it is ... I've wished many a times that some kind of technology would have a cable attached to my brain and monitor each pulse. Yes, of course, the device should be able to transcribe it automatically in some form of a word processing program coupled with the whole multi-media arena. It's a a funny thought as to how people go far beyond and wander into space sending shuttles, satellites and all these weapons of destruction. The world may have the most powerful weapons that would annihilate mankind and all these hi-tech gadgets and stuff when nobody really knows so much about what goes inside the brain.
Yeah ... yeah ... yeah, right. Right and left side of the brain stuff and how the front controls this and that. Freudian theories or whatever crap but no one's for sure and no one has invented such. We explore the vastness of the universe, what about our oceans ... why go far when something so near is still left undiscovered? My girlfirend and I were talking earlier this evening about how mankind is coming up short. I started off the conversation about how the musicians have not come up with any new trends. My girlfriend agrees that there seems to be a stomp, stunted growth. Nobody seems to be coming up with new tunes ... it's just going in circles.
I heard the "Shaker Song" by SpyroGyra over the radio in traffic, invoking some thoughts about how I felt about some twenty years ago when the same song was just hitting the airwaves. The twenty-year-olds right now would probably be hearing the same song over the radio and would be thinking of the same instant as it was at that moment. The artists are fresh out of ideas. Nothing is original any more. It's just being reinvented over and over again through the means of technology. The same old tune with different gadgets then comes the intellectual property clause. Man is just so full of ...
Yeah ... yeah ... yeah.
Hmmm ...
Saturday, September 28, 2002
Monday, September 23, 2002
Heart, Body, Mind and Soul.
It's interesting to know what goes on in other people's minds. It fascinates me to dissect how the brain works, what stimulates it and what elicits a response whether it be positive or negative. Is it the brain that controls one's being or is it the heart? Is it the body and it's just the brain putting all the requirements together or is it the other way around? And what about this thing called soul? Are those with no heart also mean they have lost their souls?
Heart, body, mind and soul.
What makes a person good or bad? Are there really those born just evil or did the circumstances just made them so?
ARGHHH!
Heart, body, mind and soul.
What makes a person good or bad? Are there really those born just evil or did the circumstances just made them so?
ARGHHH!
Saturday, September 21, 2002
Values & Principles
Values and principles are changing. I suppose it should since the only thing constant in this world is change. It's the sign of the times. Take the values of friendship. The basics are still much the same but in different contexts nowadays. At least when I was young, a friend to me was: Someone I played with; shared my toys with; quarrelled and made up with; shared my thoughts and dreams with; shared growing pains, troubles and problems ... There are not too many people you do these things with actually, only a select few. You enjoy the best and worst times with them and no matter what: They take you for what you are whether you did wrong or right; whether you've been bad or good; whether you made stupid decisions or came up with brilliant ideas.
It sounds infallible but that is a friend and with these descriptions, they come and go during the different phases in one's life. You have to nurture the friendships and you can't have these "true friends" when it is uni-directional. It has to be of the same intensity that they share things with each other. When one pours one's heart out, the other should listen as much as it's flooding the ears and needless to say, goes vice versa. But when one is always giving and the other always taking, then it becomes a one-way relationship and falling out follows. Many a friendship strayed and those left behind often wandered in bewilderment. Some with anger because it usually is the taker who gets left behind never knowing exactly what went wrong when it was just perfect for them. And as we journey through life, we find ourselves making new friends ... trying our very best to find that special someone we can grow together with until we are old and grey.
So friends have different spots in one's hearts; the friendship comes in different intensities and there's always somebody more special than another and there are the "best friends" or should I say the Best of Friends then?
Theoretically, therefore whoever you chose to spend your life with should be your best friend. The closest that you let yourself be to another being: heart, body, mind and soul.
It sounds infallible but that is a friend and with these descriptions, they come and go during the different phases in one's life. You have to nurture the friendships and you can't have these "true friends" when it is uni-directional. It has to be of the same intensity that they share things with each other. When one pours one's heart out, the other should listen as much as it's flooding the ears and needless to say, goes vice versa. But when one is always giving and the other always taking, then it becomes a one-way relationship and falling out follows. Many a friendship strayed and those left behind often wandered in bewilderment. Some with anger because it usually is the taker who gets left behind never knowing exactly what went wrong when it was just perfect for them. And as we journey through life, we find ourselves making new friends ... trying our very best to find that special someone we can grow together with until we are old and grey.
So friends have different spots in one's hearts; the friendship comes in different intensities and there's always somebody more special than another and there are the "best friends" or should I say the Best of Friends then?
Theoretically, therefore whoever you chose to spend your life with should be your best friend. The closest that you let yourself be to another being: heart, body, mind and soul.
Thursday, September 19, 2002
Techie Gen
In the consumer society that we live in ... it's so fast-paced. The material world and the monster that it created, the technology and all things possible are now possible. I don't understand the concept of economics, more so world economy at that. One subject I took twice in college since the first time, I dropped it. I couldn't quite grasp it and even if I passed it, my mind just refused to accept it's theories and principles. Up to this day, I can't quite understand why on earth would minimum wage be increased when everything else increases afterwards. It's a never-ending cycle and it just keeps adding a lot of zeroes, bulk in the wallet worth nothing.
20 years ago, what was important was quality. Everything was geared towards production of quality materials and it was so wonderful to have such quality service. Stuff were made durable, withstanding all sorts of whatever and because of such standards, they were reliable. Look at cars for example, you see the old cars ... they are still running down Mexico. You hit a lamp post nowadays with those cars and most likely it's the pole that's going to come down. This is what technology has done. It has inspired a throw-away generation. Every year and in some other areas or avenue, it doesn't even take a year for you to want to get rid of stuff since a new model came out. So, do you honestly think that manufacturers nowadays build their products based on the longevity as to how reliable and durable their products would be? The throw-away society fosters on greed making people acquisitive, ingraining all the wrong values and principles.
Yesterday as I was staring out the window in traffic, I thought about all these technological advancements that offered convenience and pleasure to those who could afford it. What about those who couldn't even have a decent meal? It certainly makes them do stupid things like plot out kidnap for ransom schemes, hold-up and robberies to be able to afford the conveniences and pleasure money affords those who have them. And economy is all about money. The needs and wants.
And I'd still probably flunk that subject if I go back to school and had to take it up.
20 years ago, what was important was quality. Everything was geared towards production of quality materials and it was so wonderful to have such quality service. Stuff were made durable, withstanding all sorts of whatever and because of such standards, they were reliable. Look at cars for example, you see the old cars ... they are still running down Mexico. You hit a lamp post nowadays with those cars and most likely it's the pole that's going to come down. This is what technology has done. It has inspired a throw-away generation. Every year and in some other areas or avenue, it doesn't even take a year for you to want to get rid of stuff since a new model came out. So, do you honestly think that manufacturers nowadays build their products based on the longevity as to how reliable and durable their products would be? The throw-away society fosters on greed making people acquisitive, ingraining all the wrong values and principles.
Yesterday as I was staring out the window in traffic, I thought about all these technological advancements that offered convenience and pleasure to those who could afford it. What about those who couldn't even have a decent meal? It certainly makes them do stupid things like plot out kidnap for ransom schemes, hold-up and robberies to be able to afford the conveniences and pleasure money affords those who have them. And economy is all about money. The needs and wants.
And I'd still probably flunk that subject if I go back to school and had to take it up.
I Can No Longer Live Without ...
put ... ers
I started with a 286 computer and an XGA monitor-no green monitors for me although I did use them in the office. From the green it became black and white but the very first one I had all to myself was a 286. I upgraded to a 386SX with a CGA monitor that I mail ordered from ZEOS in NY. When it arrived, I set it up in the family room with the technical person on the other end of the line giving me instructions which part to plug and unplug to make it start up. It gave me the groundworks, I suppose in understanding what actually is inside the casing and how it's connected. Prior to ownership, I enrolled in a computer school for a 6-month course of which I must admit did not really comprehend anything. It was BASIC programming and to a certain extent, I do have a vague idea of a little of history, a little of this and that.
From the 386SX came a HP deskjet printer (I believe the model to be the 500c) which of course I also imported from NY. And with this computer I did a lot of stuff. I managed to input all the songs in all of my music collection of cassette tapes, record albums and compact discs from my highschool years. So, at a certain phase of my existence, I was a very proud owner of a database that I could actually say how many versions of a certain song I have in my collection. That was of course the highlight of what I accompished with that computer.
So from the 386SX, I migrated to 386 166MHz, to 200MMX and to 266 MHz jumping onwards to the 400's and the 450's. I also owned two IBM Thinkpad 700 series for reasons of getting stuck in traffic and forsaking driving a car in favor of a chauffer-driven one. In-between the PC upgrades, I also toyed around with Amiga 500's, 2000 series and the 4000 bundled with Newtek's Video Toaster which I miss very much. I learned a lot from the Commodore line and I still feel that it was about the best computer I ever used. It was comparatively cheap to the branded PC's and the Apple's. The softwares were simple and yet they do the work. The devices were compatible and they do deliver. Prices were fairly reasonable.
So now, from the GHz-puters I have turned my attention to the Macs of which actually I don't quite fully grasp why. I don't think I will completely switch though. Here's one for switchers:
"I can live without a Mac as I have lived for almost 15 years without it. Mac softwares are really expensive; pirated copies are hard to find and if ever you find them in the alleys, they don't really work either which is actually a total waste of money. Not too many people use Mac because one, the hardware itself is really expensive compared to the PC's. That's probably one reason there aren't too many pirated copies too because there are actually less people and developers and hackers for the Mac. Macs too run slower. Probably the only reason why I am trying it out is to be cool cause cool people use Adobe. LOL. Mac PC's do look cool. Innovative. I am pulling hair out trying getting used to the OS as I am so used to Windows since it's birth. Mac OS is very similar to Amiga's Workbench, so ... so much so for originality. It's just sad that honest people do not really get a fair share of the market which of course why Commodore went bankcrupt. They weren't so greedy. No, don't get me wrong ... I'm not all for Bill Gates' takeover of the world either."
I started with a 286 computer and an XGA monitor-no green monitors for me although I did use them in the office. From the green it became black and white but the very first one I had all to myself was a 286. I upgraded to a 386SX with a CGA monitor that I mail ordered from ZEOS in NY. When it arrived, I set it up in the family room with the technical person on the other end of the line giving me instructions which part to plug and unplug to make it start up. It gave me the groundworks, I suppose in understanding what actually is inside the casing and how it's connected. Prior to ownership, I enrolled in a computer school for a 6-month course of which I must admit did not really comprehend anything. It was BASIC programming and to a certain extent, I do have a vague idea of a little of history, a little of this and that.
From the 386SX came a HP deskjet printer (I believe the model to be the 500c) which of course I also imported from NY. And with this computer I did a lot of stuff. I managed to input all the songs in all of my music collection of cassette tapes, record albums and compact discs from my highschool years. So, at a certain phase of my existence, I was a very proud owner of a database that I could actually say how many versions of a certain song I have in my collection. That was of course the highlight of what I accompished with that computer.
So from the 386SX, I migrated to 386 166MHz, to 200MMX and to 266 MHz jumping onwards to the 400's and the 450's. I also owned two IBM Thinkpad 700 series for reasons of getting stuck in traffic and forsaking driving a car in favor of a chauffer-driven one. In-between the PC upgrades, I also toyed around with Amiga 500's, 2000 series and the 4000 bundled with Newtek's Video Toaster which I miss very much. I learned a lot from the Commodore line and I still feel that it was about the best computer I ever used. It was comparatively cheap to the branded PC's and the Apple's. The softwares were simple and yet they do the work. The devices were compatible and they do deliver. Prices were fairly reasonable.
So now, from the GHz-puters I have turned my attention to the Macs of which actually I don't quite fully grasp why. I don't think I will completely switch though. Here's one for switchers:
"I can live without a Mac as I have lived for almost 15 years without it. Mac softwares are really expensive; pirated copies are hard to find and if ever you find them in the alleys, they don't really work either which is actually a total waste of money. Not too many people use Mac because one, the hardware itself is really expensive compared to the PC's. That's probably one reason there aren't too many pirated copies too because there are actually less people and developers and hackers for the Mac. Macs too run slower. Probably the only reason why I am trying it out is to be cool cause cool people use Adobe. LOL. Mac PC's do look cool. Innovative. I am pulling hair out trying getting used to the OS as I am so used to Windows since it's birth. Mac OS is very similar to Amiga's Workbench, so ... so much so for originality. It's just sad that honest people do not really get a fair share of the market which of course why Commodore went bankcrupt. They weren't so greedy. No, don't get me wrong ... I'm not all for Bill Gates' takeover of the world either."
Tuesday, September 17, 2002
My In-Grown Toe Nails
How many of you have in-grown toenails? Well, I'm one of the unfortunate ones who whine in pain. I had my whole toenail pulled out once from an infection. I'm one of those who have this need to go to the beauty parlor regularly for a manicure and a pedicure. Of course, the manicurist butchered my in-grown toe nail and by the next day, my toe was throbbingly swollen like a tomato. I called a doctor friend and she gladly pulled out my toe nail. I swear everybody at the time heard my scream from the end of our house up front to the driveway. That of course, was to my doctor friend's delight; she is on the sadistically morbid side.
According to my ... hmmm, how shall I address her? Well, according to my lived-in partner... the reason why I have in-grown toenails is because I get pedicures regulary. And of course, my mother agrees with her to my dismay or is it the other way around. Well, it's too late now, okay? I have been getting regular manicure and pedicure since I was 12 years old so I just have to live with them. Whatever their opinion is or everybody else who share the same views, I really don't much care anyways. If my in-grown toenails did not come naturally as in the genes, how come my grandmother has the same toenails as I do then? Inang (that's what I call my grandma-and btw, she's dead so tha't leaves me the only one with this kind of toenails) never had a pedicure all her life. Our toenails are by far the ugliest I've seen. They shoot up and I mean up and they all look dead as in dark and what's even weird is that damn toenails are really small çept for the ones on the big toe. It used to bother me a lot that I don't really particularly let anybody see my feet. That was of course when I was younger and much in vain. Now, like I said, I don't much care anymore.
When one reaches a certain age, I suppose ... vanity lessens directly proportional to how content and how at peace you are with yourself. The only reason why I go to the beauty parlor now is because of the pain. Hmmm... maybe, I should have the laser treatment for my in-grown toenails.
According to my ... hmmm, how shall I address her? Well, according to my lived-in partner... the reason why I have in-grown toenails is because I get pedicures regulary. And of course, my mother agrees with her to my dismay or is it the other way around. Well, it's too late now, okay? I have been getting regular manicure and pedicure since I was 12 years old so I just have to live with them. Whatever their opinion is or everybody else who share the same views, I really don't much care anyways. If my in-grown toenails did not come naturally as in the genes, how come my grandmother has the same toenails as I do then? Inang (that's what I call my grandma-and btw, she's dead so tha't leaves me the only one with this kind of toenails) never had a pedicure all her life. Our toenails are by far the ugliest I've seen. They shoot up and I mean up and they all look dead as in dark and what's even weird is that damn toenails are really small çept for the ones on the big toe. It used to bother me a lot that I don't really particularly let anybody see my feet. That was of course when I was younger and much in vain. Now, like I said, I don't much care anymore.
When one reaches a certain age, I suppose ... vanity lessens directly proportional to how content and how at peace you are with yourself. The only reason why I go to the beauty parlor now is because of the pain. Hmmm... maybe, I should have the laser treatment for my in-grown toenails.
Saturday, September 14, 2002
One Wonders
What exactly is important, I wonder. I heard from my mother that someone we know made it to the newspapers, involved in the Piatco anomaly. In a span of just a year or so, he was able to build a house and buy the lot beisde it and presently owns 5 cars-the latest one would be BMW 750 series or so. Of course, this is according to my mother. I never really read the newspaper. It's just that my mother who thrives on stories like this have told me this over and over for the past year. She even suspected that the guy was involved in drug-trafficking. I really didn't care except but notice how fast he has climb up the ladder of acquiring material things. When you look at him, there's no shred of hard work involved. No lines, no eyebags just a fat belly. He gained a certain amount of weight that I take goes with the good life of having lots of cash on hand. My mother on the other hand, I suppose who mean well, still can't help be in awe to the extent of all the material wealth that surrounds this young family. She had it the hard way from peddling vegetables to textile retail onwards to importation and finally textile manufacturing. Her stories taught me a lot but her nagging more so put me on the right track. However, it's more of my insatiable desire to gain her approval that got me to where I am today. It is her insatiable desire for the good life that is wearing me down.
Don't take me wrong, she is simple in her own way. What is wearing me down is her insatiable desire for the good life for everybody around her, those who prey on her kind heart. She's naive. She's very forgiving. It is just not in my nature to be just like her. I can't seem to make myself be as forgiving as she is, as helpful as she is and as naive as she is. And I can't keep up with her standards and I am totally burnt out forever trying to follow her footsteps. Sometimes, I get the feeling that the reason why she wants me financially secured is so that I can help everyone around me in the manner that she does everybody who come seeking her assistance.
And so I ask, what EXACTLY IS important?
Don't take me wrong, she is simple in her own way. What is wearing me down is her insatiable desire for the good life for everybody around her, those who prey on her kind heart. She's naive. She's very forgiving. It is just not in my nature to be just like her. I can't seem to make myself be as forgiving as she is, as helpful as she is and as naive as she is. And I can't keep up with her standards and I am totally burnt out forever trying to follow her footsteps. Sometimes, I get the feeling that the reason why she wants me financially secured is so that I can help everyone around me in the manner that she does everybody who come seeking her assistance.
And so I ask, what EXACTLY IS important?
Friday, September 13, 2002
View From A Third World
Living in the third world country has its ups and downs. When you're up there, you are rich and down there means one is poor. There's no middle class, just rich and poor. This classification, of course is not equally divided. An impoverished country would have people with such diversity in principles and ideas. Moral values and standard of ethics too differ magnanimously. Graft and corruption, fraud and embezzlement to name a few are prevalent. All things decadent is acceptable by many and condemned by the idealistic few. Everybody just seems to have his or her way around the system. Right and wrong seem to be just left for the Almighty to decide upon come redemption.
Correct me if I'm wrong, if you must ... religion seem to play a major role. It is, afterall, a way of life. It is used in all its glory as an escape for living life. Take the Mid-East conflict, it's all about their religious beliefs. The suicide bombers' massacre in the name of their "Allah". India, in the name of their "Sacred Cow", a lot of people are suffering from malnutrition. The Philippines' unending sovereignty between Catholics and Islam is no different. Whatever religion it is that one practices, we all believe in One All Encompassing Being unless one is an atheist, of course.
Just a thought, we believe... we live our beliefs. In our hearts lie our beliefs... our fate that man by nature is good and bad. In our way of life whatever religion we choose, we all curtail the "badness" in all of us. We all try to be good.
In a third world country, temptations are of greater intensity. It is not a matter of being good but staying good. A decent man earning his keep is surrounded by greed. Crooks go around the system to suit their needs. I don't know ... this is a blog, just streams of thoughts that seem to mean something and yet doesn't seem to make sense at all. I don't know ... perhaps, that is the meaning of life at aged 42.
Correct me if I'm wrong, if you must ... religion seem to play a major role. It is, afterall, a way of life. It is used in all its glory as an escape for living life. Take the Mid-East conflict, it's all about their religious beliefs. The suicide bombers' massacre in the name of their "Allah". India, in the name of their "Sacred Cow", a lot of people are suffering from malnutrition. The Philippines' unending sovereignty between Catholics and Islam is no different. Whatever religion it is that one practices, we all believe in One All Encompassing Being unless one is an atheist, of course.
Just a thought, we believe... we live our beliefs. In our hearts lie our beliefs... our fate that man by nature is good and bad. In our way of life whatever religion we choose, we all curtail the "badness" in all of us. We all try to be good.
In a third world country, temptations are of greater intensity. It is not a matter of being good but staying good. A decent man earning his keep is surrounded by greed. Crooks go around the system to suit their needs. I don't know ... this is a blog, just streams of thoughts that seem to mean something and yet doesn't seem to make sense at all. I don't know ... perhaps, that is the meaning of life at aged 42.