Same Time last year, thoughts of retiring filled my head. I had enough saved to go on endless vacations. I browsed through dive magazines endlessly, contmeplating which trips to take. The Great Barrier Reef, Sipadan, Cayman Islands ... live-aboards and buying a lot by the seashore. Setting up goals of taking awesome underwater photographs, finishing a Dive Master's Course and getting serious with underwater video. Set my eyes on setting up the first photography & video based resort in Anilao. Dive, eat, and sleep. Take pictures and video. Be creative. Come out wih a coffee table book for Remy, do documentaries myself. And yes, be with my dogs and not worry. Live peacefully, quite content and away from the miseries of life.
I've been known to have said I am ready to die for I have already accomplished what one aims in one's lifetime. Made. There's nothing more life could offer, that was in the inner recesses of my mind. Blessed with somebody beside me ... a best friend, a lover and a partner in life. A loving mother and wonderful nephews. Lucky.
Thankful.
The world was beautiful. Everything to me was beautiful. I had time to look around and appreciate the beauty ... the sky, the ocean ... there was beauty even in the ugliest possible scenery. And looking at the beauty around me gave me such a feeling of content, peace and joy. I nurtured people who weren't able to see.
A year later ...
I feel so inadequate. Not just ready to die.
I want to die.
But ... I hear nobody calling ...
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