Yes, I want to quit smoking... which is quite a big step because now, I do feel I want to. The want is there and I can like feel that it's possible whereas before, the thought of it was unthinkable. Everytime I am about to ride the plane, I dread the fact that I would be without fumes in my lungs for hours on end. It drives me insane to think about how many hours I would endure without nicotine.
I remember those times when I would feel the nic fits. I would be very irritated and just snap. Not smoking is not cool or at least it makes me lose my cool. My head would swell. And when I get off the plane I would run to the nearest smoking area and woof down three cigarettes in a row. And when you do this, one gets dizzy. But oh... it feels soooo, soooo very goooood. And the cycle goes, you jump on the connecting flight but before you do so, you try to smoke your lungs away again. Picture this, dead winter and you are stuck in the St. Paul, Minneapolis Airport where it is not smoker-friendly at all. Smokers stay outside dead winter. It's a sorry state to look at. It is indeed some form of addiction.
Oh... the Seoul Airport smoker's lounge is even worse. They stick you in a small room, the size of an average bedroom and cramped in there is like around 20 to 30 people smoking away. And what's worse is when you get out and you just stink so bad.
More and more, the world is getting smaller for smokers. More and more, smokers are becoming outcasts of society. Prices of cigarettes are really sky-high now, it's unbelievable. And the taxes!!! I wonder how the cigarette manufacturers are coping up. These businesses have always been big sponsors of the better events: jazz festivals and concerts, races, sports. This smoking bans have affected the night scene too. It's quite funny actually that we went bar-hopping the last time we were in town. There weren't much people inside the club. There were a lot outside just right out front of the club smoking and the streets turned into one big ashtray with the cigarette butts scattered along the sidewalks.
I realized that the more people told me that smoking was bad for my health or like how I'm smoking cancer sticks and stuff like that, the more I did not want to stop smoking. So what's making me want to stop now? Well, i don't really need people telling me how bad smoking is, not just for my own well-being but for theirs too among other things like the ozone layer perhaps or the butts in the ocean that kill marine life as well. I know all of these things already, duh. I also am aware how bad it smells. It does taste awfull and it does give one gas so smokers fart more. And aside from lung cancer, of course, there's throat cancer... there's ulcers, liver problems too. Emphyzema, smoker's cough and a whole lot of other medical findings. Personal findings... well, bad breath. The more sticks I smoke in a day, the stinkier my breath is the morning after I wake up. It does taste as much as it stinks. Rat breath... gee, Tara doesn't smoke. Where does she get her rat breath?
So do I really want to stop? Yeah but...
I'm scared.
Let me take my sweet time.
Can't go cold turkey.
I've cut down.
In time, I will...
It's a big step I'm taking now... wanting to quit.