and while waiting ...
Now ... each day i walk the dog. Madonna said to one fat pig, "Walk as much as you can, as far as you can go." Somehow, I don't understand. I have been diligent since I started with the treadmill back from where I come from and now ... daily, I walk Cohjie. Boy, he's one lucky dog. My babies would appreciate me walking them so much more whereas Cohjie drags his ass every morning when I come fetch him from the bedroom. It feels my tummy is not getting any smaller. Must be my mom's cooking. I haven't been gorging. I don't understand, really. My pants are getting tighter. It's either that or gravity is really setting in that all the fat is drooping ... all the walking I'm doing is just pulling my fat down and I can feel it overlapping-drooped over my belt. Hmmm... what's bad is I can even feel it. Aaaarrrggghhhh. See, I told you... something is really not quite right.
I read Jann Arden Something's blog and she said, one must spend time alone. It's like... being with yourself and keeping in touch with yourself. Yeah... that's how I start out my days now. Walking with Cohjie. Not that it makes a lot of difference because, I am alone. Like, I can be ALONE even if I am with company. There's a switch... I can easily go off ... in my own little private space. I don't even have to be like physically be alone to be alone. Somehow, it seems like the other way around. Like I get the urge to be with people because I've had too much of myself already... Haha! It's like I talk to myself all the time, not out loud tho'. My mind just goes endlessly with thoughts and the way to shut it off is to be physically with other people around. And sometimes, that does not even work to a certain extent. Haha. So there you go Jann, how about that?
Death... that was one of the recent discussions I had with my inner self. I pretty much forgot what it was all about. That was hmmm ... 2 or 3 days ago. Then the other day, it was how life becomes just a lie afterwards ... like how everything turns out to be just one lie after another or a string of lies ... just lies. Well, if it's not real or ends up to be what it is not then it becomes just a lie. Take my life for example. I was brought up as me and when I found out I was adopted, then my life ... the one I lived for 24 years was just a lie. When we were kids, we were told by our parents this or that and as we grow up, we find out it is not so ... so there you go, a string of lies. Just lies.
Even Adam and Eve ... that was this morning. God created Adam and Eve and they lived in the Garden of Eden. They had everything ... there was just that one tree that they were forbidden to eat apples from. Adam and Eve ... so when we refer to our fellowmen as our brothers, they are really are our brothers. Hmmm ... blasphemous ... Everything becomes just a lie, afterwards ... a string of lies, just lies.
In the end, what really matters?