July 16

I graduated March 1981. I left for a 30-day tour of Europe and continued on to Canada and the US. I had no plans of coming back since I was waiting for my scheduled interview at the Center for the Media Arts in New York to further my studies in Broadcasting. I was accepted, of course, in several schools as I was also considering taking up Sound Engineering in LA. However, I needed a $10,000.00 bond to get a student visa. Well, my father refused to send me the money and wanted me back in the islands. He demanded that I come back as he had something else planned for me. In September 1981, I went with him to a pizza parlor. Hand in hand, he squeezed mine and said, "I got this for you. There ... see ... that's entertainment. That's what you took up in college, right?" There on stage was a live band performing Highway Star. No, that wasn't what I took up in college. He never understood the course I took in college. Of course, he preferred that I took up business but he never imposed. He was quite supportive or maybe, I just took it that way. You see, I love him dearly. He would teased me as to buying me a television station when I graduate during the time I was trying to explain to him what Mass Communications was all about. So, I don't know if he was teasing me or he didn't really understand my course. Maybe he was being sarcastic or whether he really would buy me a tv station if he had the money to do so. In the end, I know he just loves me so ... and gave me the pizza parlor with entertainment in it, it having some kind of a stage and well, I suppose, the media we know today started on stage. And so, side by side, he would tell me how to handle the workers or whatever comes up. Like a true father teaching a child the way of the world. That business, he got as payment for a loan from my mother. So when my mother found out, of course she took over.

July 16, 1982 ... the franchise opened under a family corporation my mother formed. My dad lost interest and I was stuck in it instead of me taking up my masters in New York. Ten years passed and a few months after, I quit and ran away from home. I checked in a hotel for a week-end crying my eyes out. And when I finally showed up home, I decided to go do what I've always wanted to do ... something to do with what I took up in college. I earned my first pay ... that which did not come from my mother. Well, I always felt that even if I worked hard, it still came from my mother since she was my boss. So when somebody handed me a check for a video coverage of a graduation, I was jumping with glee. But you see, again ... I turned my back on it again.

My father passed away in 1985. In 1992, somebody adopted me again, "You are like my daughter." But I suppose all old chinese businessmen say that. He talked me into not leaving the family business. Then he offered to back me up and even lend me money. I saw the same support that I've been missing since my father died. By October of 1993, I opened the ART's Venue. A dream that turned into reality. I achieved heights I never thought was possible. I was overwhelmned. I was fulfilled. I felt I've done it all. I've overcome my fears, my anxieties and hey, my mother even stopped nagging me at one point. I was even saying that I'm ready to die since I've done everything already.

But you see, at one point ... I knew I wasn't happy still. It was only after I settled down with Remy that all the loneliness and all the longing has come to past. I am happy now. I am very content. And even if this is another lowest point of my life, rest assured that my world has not come tumbling down.

Money is not everything, contrary to what my mom has always reiterated.

I have not done everything yet. I have not been through all. I've never been broke before. Well, now I can say I've been through it all. And that ol' feeling coming back. 101 ways to die. Jumping off heights and crap. Or drown myself silly with alcohol. Hmmm ... I have Remy which makes all the difference.

On Friday, July 16, 2004 ... I am opening a business once again. This time, with no father by my side. He's in my heart and I know he is watching over me. This time, I am not doing this to prove to my mother anything like I did the last time. If there is any one I should prove to ... it is myself, that I am no failure. Of course, I am in debt. How I can possibly repay back my mother, I only pray to God that I do. If there is anyone I should thank, it is HIM who has always watched over me. And this is my offering ...

My dreams ... my wishes ... the Lord has brought me this far, He will provide.

Dreams do come true.