It has been awhile since I last blogged. The message in the bottle is still unread... floating out there in the ocean, endlessly finding its way to the shore for someone to pick it up ... open in and read my thoughts.
Alas ... one day will come and the bottle shall reach the shore.
And when it finally does, the message ... will still be unread. The ink would have faded and the the paper ... empty.
Friday, August 05, 2005
Thursday, January 13, 2005
The End Of The Road
We are all alike in a lot of ways even if we do different things and on the surface, very different from each other and unlike all others. What it boils down to is we're all human. We feel the same emotions, some more passionately and intensely than others. Others numb out pain better but still ... we all have a heart. And we all will be judged by just One Almighty at the end of the road and in the end, that is where it all matters.
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Somebody Stole My Destiny
Yeah, right! Now you tell me. It's kinda too late, ya think! Somebody stole my destiny, sucked the lines off my palm. That's what it was. My luck was just there and just a few days after, all the lines have shifted and changed. I was wondering how it could have changed so fast when the palmreader just assured me I was just going through difficult times like everybody else because of the economic crisis.
My mother brought me to a Tarot Card Reader yesterday. We had to wake up like 5 in the morning and it took us over 2 hours to get there. He told me almost the same things that I have heard before except that I needed to go to confession. And yes, he warned me to never let palmreaders have a look at my palms for they steal my luck.
Is there a way of reclaiming what's rightfully my lines of destiny and fate? Go to confession, I suppose.
Merry Christmas everybody!
My mother brought me to a Tarot Card Reader yesterday. We had to wake up like 5 in the morning and it took us over 2 hours to get there. He told me almost the same things that I have heard before except that I needed to go to confession. And yes, he warned me to never let palmreaders have a look at my palms for they steal my luck.
Is there a way of reclaiming what's rightfully my lines of destiny and fate? Go to confession, I suppose.
Merry Christmas everybody!
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Change
The only constant, ever present ... it's not time. It stops when one dies. Change is. Dead or alive, change continues on. Even the corpse continue to change in the passing of time. Time and change go together. It is time that brings about change.
Changes take place every second, every minute all through out the day, the night, the year and so on it goes. Unless it is abrupt, we don't notice the changes. And then one day, we wake up and realize that things have changed, not just around us but within us as well. Good and Bad.
I chose the wrong path. I made wrong decisions. I am in for a tough ride, a turbulent one. There's no turning back. I can only start a new after I weather the storm. It's going to be a long hard climb.
To be young is to be alive. Filled with dreams, hopes and visions. Ideals, zest and tremendous energy. The world has much to offer. For those who have climbed to the top and hanging on the ledge, visions slowly vanish clouded with despair. For those who have fallen, misery.
How does one cope when your house burns down to the ground. Everything gone in just one fiery anger? How does one cope when marriages break down and separations are inevitable? How does one cope with losses of their loved one? How does one cope when there's nothing the eat, no roof over their heads? How does one cope with nothing? Nothing but misery.
I am blessed.
I am loved.
I have a loving mother. I have Remy and a few good friends.
Changes take place every second, every minute all through out the day, the night, the year and so on it goes. Unless it is abrupt, we don't notice the changes. And then one day, we wake up and realize that things have changed, not just around us but within us as well. Good and Bad.
I chose the wrong path. I made wrong decisions. I am in for a tough ride, a turbulent one. There's no turning back. I can only start a new after I weather the storm. It's going to be a long hard climb.
To be young is to be alive. Filled with dreams, hopes and visions. Ideals, zest and tremendous energy. The world has much to offer. For those who have climbed to the top and hanging on the ledge, visions slowly vanish clouded with despair. For those who have fallen, misery.
How does one cope when your house burns down to the ground. Everything gone in just one fiery anger? How does one cope when marriages break down and separations are inevitable? How does one cope with losses of their loved one? How does one cope when there's nothing the eat, no roof over their heads? How does one cope with nothing? Nothing but misery.
I am blessed.
I am loved.
I have a loving mother. I have Remy and a few good friends.
Death Wish
People who talk about committing suicide don't. They don't. They just talk about committing suicide. It's just a sign of wanting attention or needing some attention desperately. Wallowing in self pity, they want other people to pity them so they can pity themselves more. Others do it as a form of emotional blackmail.
Those who do commit suicide just do it. And most often, when you tell a person who constantly talk about how they would kill themselves to JUST DO IT, they snap out of it.
Those who just do it, well ... they end up dead. Worst it if they do and they don't succeed. They become the most misreable living creatures for they end up as failures all the more since they can't even commit suicide right. There's no point in saying that they go crazy or lose it cause the fact that they did try suicide means they've lost it. No sane person would jump off the cliff.
I have thought of ways of dying. The best way to go. And how I would like my funeral. My mother always nagged me about how nobody would attend my wake since I don't show face at important occassions like weddings, birthday parties and burials. I would be dead. So, how would I know if so and so came and would I really care since I'm already dead during my wake. People staring down at my body inside the coffing thinking of stuff like how I was or reminiscing the good times they've spent with me. Some maybe feeling sorry.
Others hurting, maybe. Feeling some kind of loss. But we all end up dead.
I've fantasized about dying at aged 45. I thought that it is a good age to die. One does not have too much wrinkles yet. Hey, I just turned 45. I haven't finished doing my will. I downloaded a program and started out doing inventories and stuff to fill up the form. I have never gotten around to doing it. Besides, I don't think there's any going to be left behind at the rate I'm going.
I don't quite understand why some people want to grow old. Withered, useless and incapacitated. I envy those who die young. We hear people say that the Lord has called on them for they have served Him well. Only the good die young. So why would anybody wish not to go when it's time and He's calling ...
So, I suppose I'm not dying at aged 45. I just want to but I ain't.
Those who do commit suicide just do it. And most often, when you tell a person who constantly talk about how they would kill themselves to JUST DO IT, they snap out of it.
Those who just do it, well ... they end up dead. Worst it if they do and they don't succeed. They become the most misreable living creatures for they end up as failures all the more since they can't even commit suicide right. There's no point in saying that they go crazy or lose it cause the fact that they did try suicide means they've lost it. No sane person would jump off the cliff.
I have thought of ways of dying. The best way to go. And how I would like my funeral. My mother always nagged me about how nobody would attend my wake since I don't show face at important occassions like weddings, birthday parties and burials. I would be dead. So, how would I know if so and so came and would I really care since I'm already dead during my wake. People staring down at my body inside the coffing thinking of stuff like how I was or reminiscing the good times they've spent with me. Some maybe feeling sorry.
Others hurting, maybe. Feeling some kind of loss. But we all end up dead.
I've fantasized about dying at aged 45. I thought that it is a good age to die. One does not have too much wrinkles yet. Hey, I just turned 45. I haven't finished doing my will. I downloaded a program and started out doing inventories and stuff to fill up the form. I have never gotten around to doing it. Besides, I don't think there's any going to be left behind at the rate I'm going.
I don't quite understand why some people want to grow old. Withered, useless and incapacitated. I envy those who die young. We hear people say that the Lord has called on them for they have served Him well. Only the good die young. So why would anybody wish not to go when it's time and He's calling ...
So, I suppose I'm not dying at aged 45. I just want to but I ain't.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Life's Lessons
Same Time last year, thoughts of retiring filled my head. I had enough saved to go on endless vacations. I browsed through dive magazines endlessly, contmeplating which trips to take. The Great Barrier Reef, Sipadan, Cayman Islands ... live-aboards and buying a lot by the seashore. Setting up goals of taking awesome underwater photographs, finishing a Dive Master's Course and getting serious with underwater video. Set my eyes on setting up the first photography & video based resort in Anilao. Dive, eat, and sleep. Take pictures and video. Be creative. Come out wih a coffee table book for Remy, do documentaries myself. And yes, be with my dogs and not worry. Live peacefully, quite content and away from the miseries of life.
I've been known to have said I am ready to die for I have already accomplished what one aims in one's lifetime. Made. There's nothing more life could offer, that was in the inner recesses of my mind. Blessed with somebody beside me ... a best friend, a lover and a partner in life. A loving mother and wonderful nephews. Lucky.
Thankful.
The world was beautiful. Everything to me was beautiful. I had time to look around and appreciate the beauty ... the sky, the ocean ... there was beauty even in the ugliest possible scenery. And looking at the beauty around me gave me such a feeling of content, peace and joy. I nurtured people who weren't able to see.
A year later ...
I feel so inadequate. Not just ready to die.
I want to die.
But ... I hear nobody calling ...
I've been known to have said I am ready to die for I have already accomplished what one aims in one's lifetime. Made. There's nothing more life could offer, that was in the inner recesses of my mind. Blessed with somebody beside me ... a best friend, a lover and a partner in life. A loving mother and wonderful nephews. Lucky.
Thankful.
The world was beautiful. Everything to me was beautiful. I had time to look around and appreciate the beauty ... the sky, the ocean ... there was beauty even in the ugliest possible scenery. And looking at the beauty around me gave me such a feeling of content, peace and joy. I nurtured people who weren't able to see.
A year later ...
I feel so inadequate. Not just ready to die.
I want to die.
But ... I hear nobody calling ...
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Rockbottom
The lines in one's palm change depending on actions one takes. Day by day, just as every fleeting second changes with the passing of time. A month ago, I went to a palm reader. She put powder in my left palm and pointed out the prominent lines. She assured me of a distant future, two or three years from now that everything will turn out alright. I remember from long ago, another palm reader told me that lines change every five years. Or maybe, they become visibly obvious that the lines have changed. Lately, just this week, a line surely changed and broke away ... and with just a line breaking away, different patterns formed and others doubled up side by side. I have not done anything significant nor noticed anything major happening 'cept I just became fully aware of my financial situation at this point in my life. I've hit rockbottom and digging a very deep hole.
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Thursday, July 08, 2004
July 16
I graduated March 1981. I left for a 30-day tour of Europe and continued on to Canada and the US. I had no plans of coming back since I was waiting for my scheduled interview at the Center for the Media Arts in New York to further my studies in Broadcasting. I was accepted, of course, in several schools as I was also considering taking up Sound Engineering in LA. However, I needed a $10,000.00 bond to get a student visa. Well, my father refused to send me the money and wanted me back in the islands. He demanded that I come back as he had something else planned for me. In September 1981, I went with him to a pizza parlor. Hand in hand, he squeezed mine and said, "I got this for you. There ... see ... that's entertainment. That's what you took up in college, right?" There on stage was a live band performing Highway Star. No, that wasn't what I took up in college. He never understood the course I took in college. Of course, he preferred that I took up business but he never imposed. He was quite supportive or maybe, I just took it that way. You see, I love him dearly. He would teased me as to buying me a television station when I graduate during the time I was trying to explain to him what Mass Communications was all about. So, I don't know if he was teasing me or he didn't really understand my course. Maybe he was being sarcastic or whether he really would buy me a tv station if he had the money to do so. In the end, I know he just loves me so ... and gave me the pizza parlor with entertainment in it, it having some kind of a stage and well, I suppose, the media we know today started on stage. And so, side by side, he would tell me how to handle the workers or whatever comes up. Like a true father teaching a child the way of the world. That business, he got as payment for a loan from my mother. So when my mother found out, of course she took over.
July 16, 1982 ... the franchise opened under a family corporation my mother formed. My dad lost interest and I was stuck in it instead of me taking up my masters in New York. Ten years passed and a few months after, I quit and ran away from home. I checked in a hotel for a week-end crying my eyes out. And when I finally showed up home, I decided to go do what I've always wanted to do ... something to do with what I took up in college. I earned my first pay ... that which did not come from my mother. Well, I always felt that even if I worked hard, it still came from my mother since she was my boss. So when somebody handed me a check for a video coverage of a graduation, I was jumping with glee. But you see, again ... I turned my back on it again.
My father passed away in 1985. In 1992, somebody adopted me again, "You are like my daughter." But I suppose all old chinese businessmen say that. He talked me into not leaving the family business. Then he offered to back me up and even lend me money. I saw the same support that I've been missing since my father died. By October of 1993, I opened the ART's Venue. A dream that turned into reality. I achieved heights I never thought was possible. I was overwhelmned. I was fulfilled. I felt I've done it all. I've overcome my fears, my anxieties and hey, my mother even stopped nagging me at one point. I was even saying that I'm ready to die since I've done everything already.
But you see, at one point ... I knew I wasn't happy still. It was only after I settled down with Remy that all the loneliness and all the longing has come to past. I am happy now. I am very content. And even if this is another lowest point of my life, rest assured that my world has not come tumbling down.
Money is not everything, contrary to what my mom has always reiterated.
I have not done everything yet. I have not been through all. I've never been broke before. Well, now I can say I've been through it all. And that ol' feeling coming back. 101 ways to die. Jumping off heights and crap. Or drown myself silly with alcohol. Hmmm ... I have Remy which makes all the difference.
On Friday, July 16, 2004 ... I am opening a business once again. This time, with no father by my side. He's in my heart and I know he is watching over me. This time, I am not doing this to prove to my mother anything like I did the last time. If there is any one I should prove to ... it is myself, that I am no failure. Of course, I am in debt. How I can possibly repay back my mother, I only pray to God that I do. If there is anyone I should thank, it is HIM who has always watched over me. And this is my offering ...
My dreams ... my wishes ... the Lord has brought me this far, He will provide.
Dreams do come true.
July 16, 1982 ... the franchise opened under a family corporation my mother formed. My dad lost interest and I was stuck in it instead of me taking up my masters in New York. Ten years passed and a few months after, I quit and ran away from home. I checked in a hotel for a week-end crying my eyes out. And when I finally showed up home, I decided to go do what I've always wanted to do ... something to do with what I took up in college. I earned my first pay ... that which did not come from my mother. Well, I always felt that even if I worked hard, it still came from my mother since she was my boss. So when somebody handed me a check for a video coverage of a graduation, I was jumping with glee. But you see, again ... I turned my back on it again.
My father passed away in 1985. In 1992, somebody adopted me again, "You are like my daughter." But I suppose all old chinese businessmen say that. He talked me into not leaving the family business. Then he offered to back me up and even lend me money. I saw the same support that I've been missing since my father died. By October of 1993, I opened the ART's Venue. A dream that turned into reality. I achieved heights I never thought was possible. I was overwhelmned. I was fulfilled. I felt I've done it all. I've overcome my fears, my anxieties and hey, my mother even stopped nagging me at one point. I was even saying that I'm ready to die since I've done everything already.
But you see, at one point ... I knew I wasn't happy still. It was only after I settled down with Remy that all the loneliness and all the longing has come to past. I am happy now. I am very content. And even if this is another lowest point of my life, rest assured that my world has not come tumbling down.
Money is not everything, contrary to what my mom has always reiterated.
I have not done everything yet. I have not been through all. I've never been broke before. Well, now I can say I've been through it all. And that ol' feeling coming back. 101 ways to die. Jumping off heights and crap. Or drown myself silly with alcohol. Hmmm ... I have Remy which makes all the difference.
On Friday, July 16, 2004 ... I am opening a business once again. This time, with no father by my side. He's in my heart and I know he is watching over me. This time, I am not doing this to prove to my mother anything like I did the last time. If there is any one I should prove to ... it is myself, that I am no failure. Of course, I am in debt. How I can possibly repay back my mother, I only pray to God that I do. If there is anyone I should thank, it is HIM who has always watched over me. And this is my offering ...
My dreams ... my wishes ... the Lord has brought me this far, He will provide.
Dreams do come true.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Ten Million
A decade ago ... I am not sure, maybe nine going ten ... roughly ...
I was young. I had the world at reach, dreams of conquering it by the tip of my fingers ... Midas Touch, I had that or so I believed that everything I wanted, I could easily get. I've been known to say things like ... "It's easy to make money" or "Money isn't everything" or "Money is not important".
Well, it's not easy ... it is everything and it is important.
I was in debt by 22 million, I paid it back in 9 months and I had 10 million extra in the pocket. I did not know what to do with it? I thought, God ... I was made. Like I can sit back and relax, have fun and find out the meaning of life. It certainly should be more than just making money and something's gotta be more important than that since it just came so easy ... I kept asking my secretary, Sally ... what she would do if she had ten million? Her family then just sold their farm land for six million and her father decided to divide it equally between his children. So, Sally got a million and she was about ready to resign and leave me. I thought maybe I should resign too since she was resigning and she only had a million while I had ten. I stacked away that ten million and through the years, I've managed to acquire my own condo unit, a house and lot, a suburban rest house where my kennels are located, a hundred dogs that's basically eating up my resources right now ... 2 seadoos, 3 vans, 1 4wd, 1 delivery van, 6 motorbikes of which I swapped 4 for another van ... scuba equipments, photography and video equipments, lots of computers in both Mac and PC, a laptop ... a beautiful girlfriend and patched differences with my mother. Of course, I've travelled in style, back and forth ... have gone to Tubbataha twice, Palau twice and so many other places. I considered retiring at one point.
Now, it's the other way around.
I am mortgaging 2 condos, expecting more labor cases. I have a warehouse full of depreciated goods with no value. There's no way I can sit back and relax. No more diving and I have no idea how I can keep up with caring for my dogs. My mother's back to nagging me, stressing me out and pressuring me. I am older and going through menopause. She likes being in control. She feels needed again. I am officially in debt by ten million.
But ...
I have friends now, real friends.
And I have Remy by my side.
Money is still not everything. It still is not as important. Friends are ...
Let's just see if ... it still is easy to make money ...
;)
I was young. I had the world at reach, dreams of conquering it by the tip of my fingers ... Midas Touch, I had that or so I believed that everything I wanted, I could easily get. I've been known to say things like ... "It's easy to make money" or "Money isn't everything" or "Money is not important".
Well, it's not easy ... it is everything and it is important.
I was in debt by 22 million, I paid it back in 9 months and I had 10 million extra in the pocket. I did not know what to do with it? I thought, God ... I was made. Like I can sit back and relax, have fun and find out the meaning of life. It certainly should be more than just making money and something's gotta be more important than that since it just came so easy ... I kept asking my secretary, Sally ... what she would do if she had ten million? Her family then just sold their farm land for six million and her father decided to divide it equally between his children. So, Sally got a million and she was about ready to resign and leave me. I thought maybe I should resign too since she was resigning and she only had a million while I had ten. I stacked away that ten million and through the years, I've managed to acquire my own condo unit, a house and lot, a suburban rest house where my kennels are located, a hundred dogs that's basically eating up my resources right now ... 2 seadoos, 3 vans, 1 4wd, 1 delivery van, 6 motorbikes of which I swapped 4 for another van ... scuba equipments, photography and video equipments, lots of computers in both Mac and PC, a laptop ... a beautiful girlfriend and patched differences with my mother. Of course, I've travelled in style, back and forth ... have gone to Tubbataha twice, Palau twice and so many other places. I considered retiring at one point.
Now, it's the other way around.
I am mortgaging 2 condos, expecting more labor cases. I have a warehouse full of depreciated goods with no value. There's no way I can sit back and relax. No more diving and I have no idea how I can keep up with caring for my dogs. My mother's back to nagging me, stressing me out and pressuring me. I am older and going through menopause. She likes being in control. She feels needed again. I am officially in debt by ten million.
But ...
I have friends now, real friends.
And I have Remy by my side.
Money is still not everything. It still is not as important. Friends are ...
Let's just see if ... it still is easy to make money ...
;)
Thursday, June 10, 2004
The Journey To The Unknown
There's no turning back, just moving forward and moving on. Little steps, one at a time. Ever so cautiously. Lifting one foot with breath held, staring at a spot with knees trembling as it touches ground. Then gravity pulls, breathing out then in. Lifting the other foot and so the cycle goes ... walking on an unknown path ... on soft ground ... The clouds have not cleared up with the sun barely shining through. Don't look back. There's nothing there anymore ... just memories.
Achy, achy ... achy muscles and bones ... achy chest. Tired and weary ... it's going to be a long journey. Sore throat, dull and throbbing pain from head down the spine.
June 10.
Achy, achy ... achy muscles and bones ... achy chest. Tired and weary ... it's going to be a long journey. Sore throat, dull and throbbing pain from head down the spine.
June 10.
Friday, June 04, 2004
The Harsh Reality Of It All
Hush ... hush ...
Be careful of what you wish for ...
For dreams do come true ...
For those who are ... forever dreamers ...
Dreaming, dreaming ... Day-dreaming ...
Wishing ...
Wanting ...
Longing ...
Praying ...
For those who just can't accept the way things are ... always wanting for more what life can offer ... wishing how things can be better ... longing for something that just isn't there ... and forever praying ... searching ... wandering and wondering ...
Life passes by in one bubble ...
And when the bubble pops, one falls ...
Of course, depending on how one lands ...
Flat on one's face ... on all fours ... standing up or kneeling ... on one's back ... sometimes with a broken neck ...
Others who do not survive ... well, end up dead.
Be careful of what you wish for ...
For dreams do come true ...
For those who are ... forever dreamers ...
Dreaming, dreaming ... Day-dreaming ...
Wishing ...
Wanting ...
Longing ...
Praying ...
For those who just can't accept the way things are ... always wanting for more what life can offer ... wishing how things can be better ... longing for something that just isn't there ... and forever praying ... searching ... wandering and wondering ...
Life passes by in one bubble ...
And when the bubble pops, one falls ...
Of course, depending on how one lands ...
Flat on one's face ... on all fours ... standing up or kneeling ... on one's back ... sometimes with a broken neck ...
Others who do not survive ... well, end up dead.
Saturday, May 29, 2004
Deadline
A couple of months ago, I was bored waiting ... just waiting for things to happen. I was pacing in circles (with Tara behind me and we were just driving KQ to the walls) in our bedroom. A year ago, I was waiting too ... just patiently waiting for my Canadian citizenship papers to arrive, watching the grass grow. Just waiting ...
So this is how it feels like to be the opposite of the sedentary life I had. Things happening all at the same time. I start out my days as early as six in the morning and running around like crazy with my brain at full speed trying to keep everything organized. Do you know how hard that is ... to keep my scattered brain organized. It's easier to keep everybodyelse on track but my brain!!! When we come home at the end of the day, we go straight to the kicthen for dinner and then, it's downtime in front of the tv. Before I know it, I'm fast asleep snoring and farting away in dreamland. It's the exact opposite of the kind of life I have lived for the longest time. I feel like I'm back to school when I wake up early and doze off by 10 or 11 at night. I can't even stay up till 1 am nowadays.
Life coming in full circle ... signs of getting old or what! At this age, I don't even know why I'm doing all these things ... why I do what I'm doing ... I'm on a roll. It's like a second wind.
You know how ordinary people are when they go to work Mondays through Fridays and relax on week-ends and Sundays being family day or just quiet time at home. That's like exactly what I have become right now. Hey, I even go to church on Sundays now.
I have so many things to do. Ten or eleven days to go to meet my deadline. Menu, food tests, bar tests, flyers, ads, signages, logos, wall-painting, kitchen set-up, repairs, touch-ups, uniforms, tables & chairs, umbrellas, caps, hiring & selection process, systems & procedures, orientations & training, purchases, merchandise selection, design, business licenses & permits, genset, POS cash registers, contracts, trademarks & IPO rights, tacomio operation, Marilao construction ... AARRRGGGHHH ... Hmmm.
I was the one who set the deadline.
June 10.
So this is how it feels like to be the opposite of the sedentary life I had. Things happening all at the same time. I start out my days as early as six in the morning and running around like crazy with my brain at full speed trying to keep everything organized. Do you know how hard that is ... to keep my scattered brain organized. It's easier to keep everybodyelse on track but my brain!!! When we come home at the end of the day, we go straight to the kicthen for dinner and then, it's downtime in front of the tv. Before I know it, I'm fast asleep snoring and farting away in dreamland. It's the exact opposite of the kind of life I have lived for the longest time. I feel like I'm back to school when I wake up early and doze off by 10 or 11 at night. I can't even stay up till 1 am nowadays.
Life coming in full circle ... signs of getting old or what! At this age, I don't even know why I'm doing all these things ... why I do what I'm doing ... I'm on a roll. It's like a second wind.
You know how ordinary people are when they go to work Mondays through Fridays and relax on week-ends and Sundays being family day or just quiet time at home. That's like exactly what I have become right now. Hey, I even go to church on Sundays now.
I have so many things to do. Ten or eleven days to go to meet my deadline. Menu, food tests, bar tests, flyers, ads, signages, logos, wall-painting, kitchen set-up, repairs, touch-ups, uniforms, tables & chairs, umbrellas, caps, hiring & selection process, systems & procedures, orientations & training, purchases, merchandise selection, design, business licenses & permits, genset, POS cash registers, contracts, trademarks & IPO rights, tacomio operation, Marilao construction ... AARRRGGGHHH ... Hmmm.
I was the one who set the deadline.
June 10.
Saturday, May 22, 2004
The World Passing By Through My Eyes
There's a reason why I shifted from using removable drives.
I started using them when they were still Bernoullis and Syquests from a mere 20 MB media connected on parallel and scsi ports. And of course, from 20 MB, the Bernoullis came up with 44 MB. Hard drives then were like really small. Nowadays, you can gave GIGAS as in 200 GB drives as externals. There are different types of cartridges now from memory cards, multimedia cards for cellular phones to digital cameras. And of course, there's the CD-Roms and DVD's, rewritables and a lot of formats to choose from. Speaking of multimedia, I remember immersing myself with the technology when they were just trying to get everything to work together. Transferring analog video formats to digital. It's a concept. And the technology has really developed except the prices escalated and with new development every three months or so, everything turns into junk in a year.
I am back with my zip drive except the capacity is up to 250 MB with a USB port that plugs and plays on a MAC and/or a PC. And as I have mentioned earlier, there's a reason why I shifted from using removable drives or should I say, why I stopped and abandoned using them. The dang thing is giving me headaches with the I/O error messages. And it is still so slow even if the speed has now gone up to GHz and crap. It's always faster to work off your drive C.
I know there's a better way like networking for transferring and sharing files. It used to be through the com ports either by serial or parallel and one needs a software like the Laplink. Now, its the ethernet cable or something and eaisier with a GDI. However, an old goat like me have been left behind and somehow, amidst all these changes ... it's not as easy as it was before in following the not-so-user-friendly instructions. Duh ...
Age is creeping in so slowly. I don't belong to the generation that throws remote controls on TV sets nor can't even record TV programs on a VCR. I can still send and receive text messages on my cel phone. But for the life of me, I'm having a difficult time catching up with the world nowadays. I can't even finish my websites.
All I want to do sometime is just sit back, relax and enjoy the world around me as it passes by.
I started using them when they were still Bernoullis and Syquests from a mere 20 MB media connected on parallel and scsi ports. And of course, from 20 MB, the Bernoullis came up with 44 MB. Hard drives then were like really small. Nowadays, you can gave GIGAS as in 200 GB drives as externals. There are different types of cartridges now from memory cards, multimedia cards for cellular phones to digital cameras. And of course, there's the CD-Roms and DVD's, rewritables and a lot of formats to choose from. Speaking of multimedia, I remember immersing myself with the technology when they were just trying to get everything to work together. Transferring analog video formats to digital. It's a concept. And the technology has really developed except the prices escalated and with new development every three months or so, everything turns into junk in a year.
I am back with my zip drive except the capacity is up to 250 MB with a USB port that plugs and plays on a MAC and/or a PC. And as I have mentioned earlier, there's a reason why I shifted from using removable drives or should I say, why I stopped and abandoned using them. The dang thing is giving me headaches with the I/O error messages. And it is still so slow even if the speed has now gone up to GHz and crap. It's always faster to work off your drive C.
I know there's a better way like networking for transferring and sharing files. It used to be through the com ports either by serial or parallel and one needs a software like the Laplink. Now, its the ethernet cable or something and eaisier with a GDI. However, an old goat like me have been left behind and somehow, amidst all these changes ... it's not as easy as it was before in following the not-so-user-friendly instructions. Duh ...
Age is creeping in so slowly. I don't belong to the generation that throws remote controls on TV sets nor can't even record TV programs on a VCR. I can still send and receive text messages on my cel phone. But for the life of me, I'm having a difficult time catching up with the world nowadays. I can't even finish my websites.
All I want to do sometime is just sit back, relax and enjoy the world around me as it passes by.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
One Snap
It's ... I'm at a lost for words with this one ... It's ahmmm ... hmmm ... how can I eloquently put this? It's pathetic how fate trully is or how God plays a mean game of turning everything up and down and around ... Pathetic is not the word that describes the way I feel right now tho' ... I have no qualms about Him if He so wishes ... The situation I am in right now doesn't even bother me.
I just want to blog down my thoughts as I go through my life ...
A year ago, all that preoccupied my mind was thoughts of retiring. How I would like to spend the remaining days and enjoying my life to the fullest. Dreaming. Wishing. Planning. Taking steps to the fulfillment of the unspoken dream.
Somehow, what's happening right now doesn't seem to be leading to that. I believe it will but not in the near future. And that's what He had in mind, I suppose since what's happening right now is not anything like what I had in mind last year. He makes me smile. He fulfills me with His hope ... Everything's going to be alright in the end.
In one snap of the finger, my life turned around and completely faced the opposite direction. No retirement ... Nope, I don't think so.
I just want to blog down my thoughts as I go through my life ...
A year ago, all that preoccupied my mind was thoughts of retiring. How I would like to spend the remaining days and enjoying my life to the fullest. Dreaming. Wishing. Planning. Taking steps to the fulfillment of the unspoken dream.
Somehow, what's happening right now doesn't seem to be leading to that. I believe it will but not in the near future. And that's what He had in mind, I suppose since what's happening right now is not anything like what I had in mind last year. He makes me smile. He fulfills me with His hope ... Everything's going to be alright in the end.
In one snap of the finger, my life turned around and completely faced the opposite direction. No retirement ... Nope, I don't think so.
Life Is A Cabaret, Ol' Chum ...
Well, it's fun to blog. It has always fascinated me to come across things I've written down in the past, the rat that I am ... As I rummage through stuff, I often see pages scattered all over ... of myself. There were times when I don't even remember having written them or making me wonder why I ever wrote those lines. It's like what the hell was I thinking? Haha.
Blogging is really fun. Everything is tucked away for reference. It helps a lot ... in retrospect. And now as Blogger updated it's templates, I was so inspired to change my site. It forced me to run through everything and along the way read what I have written. For somebody who kept preaching about the meaning of life and what should be important, I am for one ... hmmm ... No wonder, not too many people listen to me as in really listen. Reality strikes, money is important to me. Had it not been, then I wouldn't have blogged so much about it. I was just trying to convince myself that it shouldn't be. Ouch! Reality bites. Stop the BS. It is important especially when one is broke.
Now that we (i.e. ME, MYSELF and I) have come to an understanding that it is, the next question is exactly how important is it? Money makes the world go round, the world go round ... that clink and clanking sound ...
Life is a cabaret, ol' chum ...
Blogging is really fun. Everything is tucked away for reference. It helps a lot ... in retrospect. And now as Blogger updated it's templates, I was so inspired to change my site. It forced me to run through everything and along the way read what I have written. For somebody who kept preaching about the meaning of life and what should be important, I am for one ... hmmm ... No wonder, not too many people listen to me as in really listen. Reality strikes, money is important to me. Had it not been, then I wouldn't have blogged so much about it. I was just trying to convince myself that it shouldn't be. Ouch! Reality bites. Stop the BS. It is important especially when one is broke.
Now that we (i.e. ME, MYSELF and I) have come to an understanding that it is, the next question is exactly how important is it? Money makes the world go round, the world go round ... that clink and clanking sound ...
Life is a cabaret, ol' chum ...
Friday, May 14, 2004
SCREAM!!!
That's what I've been wanting to do. My significant other, as always ... surfing the net informed me that blogger.com updated their services. As I peered over her shoulders, lo and behold ... my nephews updated their blogsite. Cool. One can now even put pictures. And comment box!
So, I jumped out of bed and plugged in my laptop. It's a good thing cause I haven't opened my email for days now and I really don't like anything on TV at the moment. Nash Bridges ... I never liked him before, more so now that he has aged.
It's bad ... I changed my template and clicked on the new features forgetting that I already have haloscan comment box. What's worse is that I don't even remember my haloscan account. All the comments ... GONE!
SCREAM!!!
So, I jumped out of bed and plugged in my laptop. It's a good thing cause I haven't opened my email for days now and I really don't like anything on TV at the moment. Nash Bridges ... I never liked him before, more so now that he has aged.
It's bad ... I changed my template and clicked on the new features forgetting that I already have haloscan comment box. What's worse is that I don't even remember my haloscan account. All the comments ... GONE!
SCREAM!!!